What’s Coming Next & Who It’s For

Introduction to "You Shall Be Holy: Reflections on Orthodox Womanhood"

Icon of Holy Motherhood from Uncut Mountain Supply

As he who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in all your conduct; since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:15-16; cf. Leviticus 11:44)

Acquire the spirit of peace and thousands around you will be saved. (St. Seraphim of Sarov)

Are male and female souls the same?

Yes and No. We all have the same three powers of the soul–the desiring, the fighting, and the intellectual–and in this sense men and women are the same. But we must be careful never to forget how intimate is the union of soul and body in Orthodoxy. Because our biologies encode gender, our souls will feel different. The same Fathers who emphasized that our souls are the same also emphasized that pastoral care of the soul would be different for men than it would be for women. [...] We really only learn to be comfortable as men and women when we enter new and better relationships–with Christ, with our Heavenly Father, with the saints and Panaghia¹, with good mentors, with new friends that God in his providence sends us. For most of us, the main thing in gender formation is probably to have good examples, good mentors.

—Timothy Patitsas, The Ethics of Beauty

I who have hardly anything—how can I teach these [people]? I would rather be silent in order not to make them worse. At other times, if I am silent, perhaps I err, because I don't give a little help to my neighbor who is in need. That's why I say to all: Listen much and speak little, for you'll give an account before God for every idle world (Matthew 12:36). I teach those who come to me, as God inspires my mind at that moment, and as my heart guides me. If only the Lord would receive our labor and our love.

—St. Paisius of Sihla (+1990)

Today I am introducing a series in eleven installments, for young women in any stage of life, who are interested in Orthodoxy or are already Orthodox Christians. I will be sharing my journey growing to love God more, finding community in the Church along that journey, and finding my own identity as a member of Christ’s Body, as well as some helpful suggestions I’ve picked up along the way so far for all my sisters who are traveling with me on the path. 

We know that the goal of our life is to “acquire the Holy Spirit,” to “be holy, for He is holy.” But how do we do this? We are very much blessed in Orthodoxy to have many wonderful pastors and priests who guide us relentlessly and compassionately through their prayer for us, their Spirit-filled responses in the Sacrament of Confession, and their devotion of time and energy to their parishes. So in fact, in an ideal setting where you have a faithful parish priest, you already have a wonderful and God-given mentor. 

Yet, I grew up feeling a strong desire for a “big sister” type of figure, an older, wiser friend who knew on a human level what it was like to be me and have my life, and show me the way to become holy in that real life, in the situations I face each day. I think this desire does not at all deny nor detract from recognition of the holiness and grace that comes through Confession, because it’s a desire for something entirely different: for a specific form of spiritual friendship, like a Titus 2 woman, in addition to the guidance we all need from our priest in Confession. 

At the same time, in the United States and perhaps other parts of the world we are now seeing an unprecedented, inspiring surge into the Orthodox Church, including of many wonderful young women—people who are finding the Church after a lifetime of another branch of Christianity, another spirituality, or no faith at all. They are seeking guidance to this new and Orthodox way of life, so they, too, could benefit from and probably desire this type of mentorship. 

Woman-to-woman friendship or mentorship can be so helpful in helping us younger women find our footing and stay on the narrow path that leads to life. It can be life-giving for older women as well. In my experience, Orthodoxy as it is lived on the ground can sometimes have a practicality problem: not because the Faith and teachings themselves are not practical (they very much are!), but simply because there is so much and so many of them. Sometimes we can get distracted by the more complicated and unusual parts, when we really need to get back to basics and focus on our own repentance. 

I am far from an expert on Orthodoxy: I have no formal theological training such as seminary studies, and even if I did, there would still be so much more to learn. So these reflections are simply written by a young woman journeying down the path, for other young women who seek and thirst after an intimate knowledge of God and of one another. May this humble writing provide, if nothing else, solidarity for other women. Thank you for being here and I can’t wait to meet you (or get to know you better!). 

Leave a comment! 

1. Do you already have a “big sister” or older friend in the Faith, someone in addition to your spiritual father or confessor? Perhaps your mom, godmother, or an aunt? What has she taught you? 

2. If you don’t have someone like this, do you feel a desire for one? Why or why not? 

3. Do you have a real-life community of Orthodox friends who support, encourage, offer guidance, and hold one another accountable? If you don’t have one in real life, do you have one online? How did you find each other? What do you do together?

4. Are you a mentor for someone else? How has that relationship been for you and for your mentee? 

5. Do you have any favorite Orthodox authors or “influencers”? What do you love about them? What life-giving messages have they brought you? 

6. Any other thoughts, questions, comments come to mind for you after reading this introduction? 

Read next: Chapter 1: No Need to Get Married

1. “Panaghia” is Greek for “All-Holy,” an honorific title for Mary, the Mother of God which also functions as an affectionate yet respectful epithet (for example: “Panaghia mou!” “My Panaghia!”).